Clean Studio = I Feel Sane.

My hiatus from my blog is officially over! Now that I've got all of my applications for pre-graduate school in, I can get back to my 'real life'. Which does not include a constant state of editing of papers and photos, organizing print outs or checking due dates. 

Yesterday I celebrated the return of my normal schedule and the completion of my first steps of becoming an adult, with fresh flowers, cleaning and having a general sense of non-panic. I even cleaned up my desktop! 

I've been thinking about all of that lately, the whole cleaning out the bad or old things to make room for the new ones. I'm pretty sure my desktop and studio are acting as the visual reference for what is also going on in my personal life. 

I have images of art work I made freshman year still saved on my computer...why? I would never show that work to a gallery or even to a friend. (Clarification: the work is not good.) So I'm dragging all of that into my trash can and letting go of it. As for the metaphor I'm making,(if you haven't noticed, I have the ability to make anything into a metaphor) why do I need to keep things around that do not make me happy, benefit me in a positive way or even want me there as an 'owner'? (owner is not the best word but in the spirit of my metaphor, we're gonna keep it.) That is such a sad thing to think...just to let go of something that once was a bright spot. But it has to be done for the well being of me and for space to be open up for the new things that are coming my way. It is refreshing. It feels clean. It feels more...sane. 

*Sometimes I feel like a crazy person every minute of the day, so this whole feeling sane thing is big.

Here are some photos of my super clean, super cute studio. 

 

Fresh flowers in a vintage beaker...yes. A million times yes. 

    

 Today I will enjoy my clean studio, my clean desktop and my worry free mind set. It is going to be a lovely time. 

Living On Faith.

In one day I will begin my very last semester of undergraduate school. It's odd, I've been thinking about the future so much lately; filling out apps for what we will call 'pre-masters programs' for the lack of time and I'm assuming your interest in explaining what I will really be doing. And suddenly I'm realizing how soon that is all coming up. I've been in the same place for the past 4 1/2 years of my life...and soon I will be off in a completely different place. I'm not sure where that will be...currently the 'choices' are California, Colorado, Florida, Massachusetts and Montana. Yes, you read that correctly. Texas is not in the mix. 

I've never had a problem jumping into a new environment and making friends...I'm a pretty fun person. However, the idea is still scary. I know I can do it, I've done it so many times in the past. It's just the idea that sends me into semi-panic attacks every now and again. 

I've made a wonderful life here in Huntsville that I love...but on nights when it's just me, no plans, no friends around...I start to think that this will be my every day life once I'm off in a new place. But then I tell myself, "Julia, you are a friendly person, you make friends easily." So in reality, I won't be sitting in my apartment, alone, for the rest of my life. (fingers crossed)

I guess I'm just having a 'I'm terrified' moment about growing up and leaving everyone I know to start over in a matter of 6 months. I say that, but I won't be leaving really. That is the great thing about this technology-based world we live in. I can be a thousand miles away and still be able to celebrate the highs with friends, and be there for the lows.

So to wrap this all up, yay for internet, cell phones, video chatting and face-time. No nays, because I know where ever I end up, that is where I am supposed to be. God has placed me there for reasons only he knows. 

"Living on faith" is my motto as I creep closer and closer to this life crossroad. 

If I Could Sing I'd Do A Cover Of This

Beautiful

Carole King

Why: This song has been sung to me by my mom for the past 22 years and it still rings true .  "You've got to get up every morning with a smile on your face and show the world all the love in your heart." A great thing to remember when embarking on a new journey in life. Thanks Louise!

Hometown Rehab.

So much for the whole 'I'm gonna write everyday' comment I had made a couple post ago.

But here is a little something I've been thinking about it...the power of your hometown. It's odd, because normally I'm not too jazzed up to be back in good ol' Abilene. But this trip I've realized how rare your hometown is. It is a place that you can escape without judgement. That is nice to have on hand. 

In my escape from my college life, I've been uber-productive. Sooooo many drafts of artist statements, letter of intents, blah blah blah. Maybe this high level of production has been combined with the construction workers in my house. (getting new floors, painting the entire downstairs, etc.) So without a TV, the only thing to do is to come get a cup of coffee and nurse it for 5 hours while writing. It seems so cliche...writing in a trendy coffee shop. Hey, least it's not Starbucks...right?

While I'm applying for programs for next fall I realized that this next semester is the last time I will have my hometown-escape only a day trip away. None of the programs are in Texas, so maybe I need to milk this whole hometown thing a little more this semester. I know mom and dad would love that. 

I keep using the word escape...I don't know how else to explain it though. When things just aren't going your way, the only logical thing I can think to do is drive 5 hours to Abilene. That probably seems like a cop-out. But home is where you just need to be sometimes. Even if while here all I did was watch How I Met Your Mother and substituted chocolate malts for meals (all have been happening on this trip), it's still home, and it still helps heal the soul. 

So instead of saying I ran away from some problems, I will say I'm repairing my dented and scratched soul in Hometown Rehab. 

If I Could Sing, I'd Do A Cover Of This

Hang Me Up To Dry

Cold War Kids

Why: Seems like a good 'I need an escape' song. 

Manic Tuesday

"Getting admitted to Harvard Business School is a cinch. At least that's what several hundred people must think each year after they apply to the graduate program of the UCLA Department of Art - and don't get in." 

-A Whole New Mind: Why Right-Brainers Will Rule The Future

Just that quote to reflect on my day full of getting reference packets together, organizing applications and images and making excel sheets to feel like I really do have everything in order.

Phantom Limbs Are On My Mind.

The first day of my life in 2012 has been one of driving, writing, idea processing, cleaning and mass amounts of music. Thus far, a fabulous start to the new year!

Idea processing has been my favorite part of January 1st 2012. Figuring out how to visually show something to communicate an idea is an amazing feeling. To say the least, I'm so grateful for this gift that has been given to me. 

The idea I'm tossing around today goes pretty well with this song. The Idea: is the phantom limb syndrome the same for relationships? You know it isn't there...and you can see it isn't there, but on a daily basis you have to remind yourself of this. That is interesting to me. 

Where Does The Good Go

Tegan and Sara

Why: The lyrics.

Where do you go with your broken heart in tow
What do you do with the left over you

And how do you know, when to let go

Where does the good go, where does the good go

Look me in the eye and tell me you don't find me attractive

Look me in the heart and tell me you won't go

Look me in the eye and promise no love's like our love

Look me in the heart and unbreak broken, it won't happen

It's love that leaves and breaks the seal of always thinking you would be

Real, happy and healthy, strong and calm, where does the good go

Where does the good go

Where do you go when you're in love and the world knows

How do you live so happily while I am sad and broken down

What do you say it's up for grabs now that you're on your way down

Where does the good go, where does the good go